theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's shark week go big or go home
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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