I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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