I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
