I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
