Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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