i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize