I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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