hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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