can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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