You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
