i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
