Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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