We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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