my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
