You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
