Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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