Life is so much better after having sex.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
