the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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