i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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