You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize