So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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