Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
