He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
