I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
