Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
