Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
