I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
