I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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