I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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