you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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