my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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