ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Who put my cat in the fridge?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
