do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
