There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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