Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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