I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
