Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
