Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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