dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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