I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
