I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
