a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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