FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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