I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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