is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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