Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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