She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
