bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
