It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
