i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
