My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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