Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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