he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
