Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
