when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize