My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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