Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
