I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize