how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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