You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
