Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize