i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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