i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
