Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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