He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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