I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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