i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
