I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
