There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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