once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
