Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
