....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize