I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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