rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
