He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
