he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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