Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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