Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i now understand why vodka
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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