make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
