Cold hands, warm shart.
Can Purell be used as lube?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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