I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
