you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize