I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
