this beer tastes like vomit already
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
