I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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