Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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