she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
