Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
