uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
