I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
