I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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